i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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