omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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