I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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