the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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