You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize