how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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