I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
