How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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