apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize