I think i peed on brittanys purse
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
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