I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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