I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
