he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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