I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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