I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
