My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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