Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
