Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
