question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
