She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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