I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
