You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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