Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
