My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize