We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
