You really coming over, don't trick.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
