I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize