Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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