I just saw a hot homeless man
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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