I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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