I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
