Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
