She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Randomize
