Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
