Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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