if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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