i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
