my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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