I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
