Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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