operation harelip BJ is a go
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
