But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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