Someone shit on the floor
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
