Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize