Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
