I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
