Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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