she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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