His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
