Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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