Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
