I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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