it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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