im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
