grandma shit on top of the toilet
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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