Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Woke up backwards on a recliner
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
