Kareoke will never be a sober sport
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I'm passing your future prison.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
