she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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