whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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