then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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