I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
