So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
