i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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