I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
