Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
