If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
