he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize