You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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