she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
