Whod you bang
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
