And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
