so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
