if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
