Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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