I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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