roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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