Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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