we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize