why didn't you poke me back
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I am midnight drunk by noon
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
