I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
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