gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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