cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Randomize
