last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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