just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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