Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize