does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
