Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
