Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
