I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
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