I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize