hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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