what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
True college students do jello shots in the library
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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