I want to walk on stilts...naked
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
