I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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