and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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