i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
