He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I faked an abortion last night.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize