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epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
last night I used snow as a chaser
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