By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
