Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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