Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
