id be glad to
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
