I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
