Got a toothbrush?
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
