It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
