I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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