Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
