Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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