Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
