Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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