so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
